….but on the flip side, because I am painfully striving to keep my heart full and vibrant, I also believe that without love, we cannot feel the height of joy, elation, passion, and compassion. And a host of other wonderful emotions! And that, my friends, is living! Giving and receiving, feeling, hurting, loving, celebrating… As much as the hurt sucks, I’ll take it so that I can also experience the joy that comes with feeling wanted, cherished, and desired. Love also heals. And, on a side note,  I truly believe the best way to heal yourself is to give exactly what you need to others.

…and I’ll write more on that later…it’s brewing in this completely imprfect, some might say f-ed up, spinning, non-stop, mind of mine…

In my original “about me” page, I admitted to having botox injections. I didn’t just admit it, I claimed it as a 44-year-old’s best friend! I still hold that claim, however, a handful of people took issue with the fact that I inject my face with a neuro-toxin to rid myself of imperfect skin, while claiming to embrace imperfections which happens to be the whole purpose of this blog. Hmmm…I was called out! And rightfully so! I didn’t see it that way, however. Personally speaking I think botox, fillers, even plastic surgery is great, especially if it helps someone feel better about themselves. The reason I owned it, was because I think a lot of women are ashamed they need or want to resort to such measures. Needless to say it opened up a great dialogue between me, my sister Katherine, and my brother Mark, who happens to be very open in his opinions. It went like this…

Mark: Gheena (we call each other by weird names…it’s our “thing”) one more suggestion for your site. But only if you promise not to get mad!

Me: I would love it! Shoot!!!

Mark: Ok on your about me page. First of all, the theme of your ENTIRE BLOG is celebrating imperfections, finding the beauty in them and accepting ourselves, right? Then your “about me” page you talk about how you hide wrinkles with…BOTOX?!?!? You totally just discredited the whole blog. If you really celebrate imperfections, then you should definitely not be the person who admits to taking botox injections!!!

Me: I get that. But I think it’s important to be authentic. Most women my age get Botox, but won’t admit it.

Mark: I would take that out! And if you really want to live true to your blog, I’d stop taking the injections. In fact, THAT would make for a great blog post. How you decided to gracefully surrendered your youth to adulthood.

Exactly. BE AUTHENTIC!!!

People your age taking botox are not authentic. That’s the whole point

Botox is anti authentic

LK (Mark’s wife…and yes, this is still Mark’s rant…) know people who take botox and they all have one thing in common and I’ll tell you it’s definitely not “being authentic”

So anyway, that’s my feedback. Think about it!

Me: No, I don’t think there is anything wrong with doing things to help yourself feel good about the way you look. It’s the same as coloring your hair to hide the gray.

Mark: Exactly. But that’s not being authentic.

Me: Okay, I appreciate that. I am going to do a post about the fine line of beauty. How far is too far? That line is different for everyone. But I don’t think there is a right or wrong place for it.

Mark: I saw a lady at Whole Foods who obviously was in the middle of chemotherapy. She wasn’t wearing a wig. Bald headed and walking around with all of the stares, her head held up high. Made me feel proud of her. Imagine the guts.

Me: Yes, that definitely takes guts.

I have friends who have had plastic surgery. I would never tell them they are wrong for getting it or that they aren’t authentic.

Mark: Your blog is to celebrate the guts it takes to accept and appreciate yourself and all of your flaws. Am I right or am I wrong? The fact that you inject botox makes you seem kind of like a hypocrite as the author of this blog.

Me: The purpose of the blog is to show that despite what we look like or the outward appearance, everyone struggles with SOMETHING

Katherine: This is a good debate! Worth writing about!!

Mark: That’s a good point. But then, after you realize that, what’s the message? Celebrate it or hide under plastic skin?

Me: Celebrate! And fuck the perception of plastic surgery or Botox.

Mark: Boom! LK wants me to dye my gray hair and I’m like fuck that! I am proud of my aging!

Me: Okay, that’s the right thing for you. But do you judge LK for wanting to color her hair?

Mark: I loved an incredible youth and now my hairline is receding and I’m getting grey hair. Bring it on. No regrets. I have tales of adventure to speak of and grey hair doesn’t keep me from getting more epic adventures.

Me: I love Botox. There’s nothing wrong with getting Botox. My authenticity comes from being real about  it and owning it.

Mark: I feel like people who alter themselves have incredibly low self esteem. I won’t judge LK but I’m showing her and telling her that she is not that person. That she is naturally beautiful.

Me: I do not love my sagging eye-brows and wrinkled forehead. There’s a little injection that will take care of that…BOOM! I feel good about myself. You are so judgmental!

Mark: I think botox is ridiculous and disgusting. It’s the epitome of 1^st world western entitlement. It’s disgusting to me. I stand by my opinions. I could be less blunt though. Haha there’s my imperfection.

Me: Thank you very much for your opinion. Judgmental people are disgusting to me.

Katherine: Jean (Kat’s name for me…see a pattern here?) Copy this entire conversation! Boom! Blog Post.

Mark: Yes this would be a good blog post! It is a good debate. I can see both sides.

Katherine: Me too! This will start good conversation!

Me: No you can’t Kark! You just said people who get Botox are disgusting and insecure.

Katherine: haha! Karc is so gentle with his words!

Mark: True, I don’t understand why people make that their priority. But I understand that we all want to look good. But I guess I would just think a blog called imperfect would be more used as an advocacy for accepting and loving ourselves as we are. So I’m just confused. That’s all. I don’t think people who surgically alter themselves really love themselves.

Katherine: What about laser hair removal? How do you feel about women with beards getting their chin hair removed?

Mark: And I don’t think botox or plastic surgery is a cure to the real problem at hand: a lack of self acceptance. I don’t know how invasive laser hair removal is. But I think going under the knife just really bothers me.

LK also wants me to have a mole by my eyebrow removed. The only reason I’d ever remove it is if it were cancerous.

I’d say hair removal is a lot different. Because if you are a girl with hair on her face, it’s not normal. Wrinkles are normal. Boom. There’s the difference.

If the mole on my face were the shape of a big penis then I’d have it removed. Not normal.

See the difference?

Keep the questions coming haha

Katherine: That’s contradictory Karc! Embrace the penis shaped mole! Walk around Whole Foods and be proud!

Mark: A penis is offensive. So there’s the difference.

Oh wait, you mean people stricken with cancer offend you Krack?

There is a very fine line to everything. We live in a very weird world.

Me: What about men who wax their hairy backs? I think a hair back is more offensive than a waxed one

Mark: I used to before, I felt ridiculous. I shave it now though. Because it’s uncomfortable, I like to feel groomed.

Me: Oh you like to feel groomed…Hmmmm

Mark: Yes I do. (?)

Me: It has nothing to do with appearance?

Mark: No. Even when my sideburns get bushy it gets annoying. It doesn’t feel clean cut.

Me: Do you trim your nose hairs?

Mark: I usually yank them out and then sneeze real loud. I trim all my hair. It’s free and painless. Same reason I wipe my butt after pooping. I feel better being clean and groomed.

Katherine: I agree with both of you on this debate! I’d love not wrinkles but I don’t like the pressure I feel to get it.

I agree it doesn’t help the imperfect debate

I like that you don’t hide it but it’s still conflicting.

And yes, I might get botox one day.

Mark: I am confused about imprfect right now. I guess I am missing something. And to clarify, people who botox don’t disgust me. It’s what botox REPRESENTS. BE clear on that.

And what it represents, is definitely contradictory of what a blog called imperfect implies.

Katherine: And Karc is priming you for cyber bullies after the blog takes off.

Mark: That’s my whole point. Botox away you guys. I’ll always love and support you both.

Mark: Don’t be mad at me guys.

Katherine: I’m not mad. Jean might be mad.

Mark: She better not be mad. She needs to find positive in my imperfections! Being blunt is my imperfection that I struggle with everyday but there is a positive to it as well. The struggle is how to control the negative of bluntness.

Krack, what’s your imperfection?

…and so the conversation went, with the next great blog post idea discussing what we think our own personal imperfections. But for now, I would like to continue the discussion of the fine line of beauty…how far is too far? Is there a line? I personally liked the way botox smoothed out my forehead lines and lifted my brows…I didn’t just like it, I loved it and will go back for more when it’s needed. I have considered fillers but worry about that plastic look that comes with adding too much. There is definitely a line, however as I age I find that I am willing to push the boundaries a bit to feel younger looking and more attractive.

What’s the line for you when it comes to beauty in general? Is all natural the way to go? Just fine with covering the grey? Facials? Chemical Peels? Injections? Surgery? I believe there is no right answer. Would love to hear your personal point of view.

Here’s a great article, a debate between two top dermatologists in Marie Claire Magazine.

Please comment!!! I would love to have a great (and respectful) discussion going.

Recently, Duncan and his family overcame on really big, personal hurdle having to do with Duncan’s health. At the age of 42 and seemingly at the peak physical condition Duncan was told that if he didn’t repair a genetically impaired valve on his heart he’d probably die within five years. That’s big, difficult, scary, mind-blowing news! To repair the valve would require open-heart surgery which came as more big and scary news. Duncan is the picture of perfect health; he’s a 5^th degree black-belt in taekwondo and an elite Spartan racer. He seems to have endless energy as a father of four, an entrepreneur and someone who is very hands on in a thriving business. Hearing of his heart condition surprised a lot of people, especially those on his Spartan race team who trail behind has he marches up the face of Camel’s Back with huge, thick chains hanging around his neck and down from his shoulders.

His goal going into surgery was to inspire others. Copied from his FB post: “Every day, I go through a morning ritual that involves affirmations. Part of my affirmations is that “I inspire people to be their best. I inspire people to reach their goals. I lead by example by accomplishing my goals…” That being said, please don’t say, “I am praying for you.” Instead, be inspired! Be inspired to make a difference in your life and the lives of others. That would mean the most to me. That would help me know that I have purpose!

I look forward to your comments, and hope that it’s one word. ‘Inspired!’”

I, for one, was inspired and knew he would be someone perfect to feature on my blog about embracing imperfection. Amid his crazy schedule, he took time to have coffee and share some of his philosophies and practices that help him stay focused and able to make his way through hard times and able to come out even stronger

OBSTACLES:

The message I gleaned from my interview is the vital importance of having obstacles real or created in our lives to make us stronger, healthier, better people. Overcoming small obstacles trains us to conquer the big ones, the ones that come from nowhere and try to turn our lives upside down. Duncan has built his life, business and reputation by setting goals for himself and over-coming obstacles in order to achieve them. Open-heart surgery was no different. When I asked how he prepared himself for facing what could potentially be a life-threatening surgery, I was surprised when he said he trained for it like he would the highest level championship, “a strong body would mean a better chance to recover.” In a Facebook article, he wrote “heart surgery is just merely another obstacle in my life.” That didn’t mean he wasn’t scared, it meant that he was doing whatever he could do to make sure he had the best odds on the operating table and in recovery. He is also a global thinker when it comes to life and has philosophies about life and death based on science and some Buddhism that helped him realize that even if the worst would happen, his family would move on. But a champion would never surrender, a champion trains and fights. Duncan also believes that we must place obstacles in front of kids, rather than removing them in order to train them for real life obstacles. A book he recommends for teaching kids how to have grit is How Children Succeed. As a martial arts instructor, his program is largely built on the act of setting goals for his students and helping them overcome obstacles.  He leads one of the largest Spartan teams through a literal maneuvering of obstacles every year and through several races nationwide from Sprint to BEAST!

GOALS:

How does one gain practice in overcoming obstacles? By setting goals, he says to “set a big ass goal for yourself and accomplish it…or fail.” Duncan remembers training hardest when he wanted a spot on the U.S. National Team for Taekwondo. The desire to reach that goal forced him to train and push himself beyond what he is naturally inclined to do. He said it was really exciting and totally worth the effort even though he didn’t make the team. I know that building a business from a small taekwondo studio to a huge multi-dimensional health and wellness facility, did not come easy, but started with a goal. “A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” ~Lao Tzu. Duncan admits building BIM both literally, (all the obstacles built in his facility have been built by him) and figuratively has been the hardest thing he’s done in his entire life and also admits that they aren’t where they want to be yet. He and Rachel are spread thin as leaders and with debt still looming they continue to struggle, yet he still has a vision and continues to move forward toward the finish line.

SAVER:

Besides being naturally driven and perseverant, I think part of Duncan’s success comes from being conscientious of both his physical and emotional health. His morning smoothie contains, water, kale, banana, peanut butter, turmeric, black pepper, and organic protein powder. He also spends his morning in a ritual learned from the book The Miracle Morning; S.A.V.E.R.

S- Silence…spend the first 5 minutes of your day in silence or some form of meditation

A – Affirmations – Self-Talk

Here are some of Duncan’s affirmations:

“I am a great leader”

“I inspire people to be the best motioneers (his BIM employees) and instructors (his taekwondo instructors).

“I am a great father and listener; I am fun and helpful”

“I am a great companion and provide tokens of appreciation…”

V- Visualization – Duncan has pictures on his phone of his future goals, one of which is to take his family to Italy for 1-3 months.

E – Exercise – the book recommends 20 minutes of exercise or yoga each morning

R – Reading – one of Duncan’s favorite parts of the day is spent reading and note taking with a cup of coffee at the start of the day.

IMPRFECTIONS:

According to Duncan, his greatest imperfection is being judgmental. This is an imperfection not apparent to many and when asked about how he manages it, he replied that it’s because he’s aware of it and has to constantly remind himself to not pass judgment on what people say. He also says he holds grudges. When upset by something someone does, he has no expiration. Both of these self-proclaimed imperfections come with a good dose of self-awareness and balance from his wife Rachel. Duncan doesn’t view his valve impairment or asthma as imperfections, rather just the hand he’s been dealt in life.

HORIZON:

What are Duncan’s present goals? First…and this is a big one! …he’s auditioned to American Ninja WARRIOR!!! Anyone who knows Duncan believes he will be the NEXT American Ninja Warrior!!!My son, Luke, watched his audition video, knowing of his heart surgery said “It’s like Mr. Richardson wants to make something of his life!” As a mom, I appreciate that influence on him. Other goals are to turn Bodies in Motion into a “well-oiled machine”, pay off debt and open more in multiple locations.  And then personally, Duncan plans to take his family to Italy for 1-3 months, which I’m hoping he’ll need a family photographer to capture their time there.

THE SILVER LINING AND A WORD OF ADVICE:

The silver lining of having facing a life-threatening impairment and open-heart surgery and any hurdle in life, for that matter, Duncan says is that which doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. He says all obstacles ultimately make you stronger. His advice to others is to not wait until you are facing a big obstacle in life to learn how to conquer it, but rather set up challenges now, create obstacles by creating goals. One great goal full of obstacles is the Spartan race. Duncan has built a team and will lead and train ANYONE to complete a race. He sees how something like a Spartan Race mimics life in several different facets. It takes having a goal, training for that goal, preparing your body and mind to be tough, overcoming obstacles and relying on others. His best advice to those facing huge hurdles in life is to rally a team. In the Spartan race there is always someone there cheering you on, helping you over the wall and then when you see someone struggling you stop and help them. Never feel like you have to go it alone, rally a team.

If you are interested in setting a big ass goal and learning what you’re made of, I encourage you to check out Bodies in Motion’s Obstacle Fit Class. It’s part SpartanSGX and Running, it’s team building and games created to make exercise fun. You can also join Duncan’s Spartan Team for leadership and support as you climb that wall and reach your big ass goal.

Stay tuned, I expect to see our local imprfect WARRIOR!!! on the NEXT American Ninja Warrior!

But once in a while, a family will show up and I can see right away that they embrace their kid’s crazy sense of fashion and just go with it…or, perhaps, they lost the battle at home and decided a happy child was more important than a perfectly dressed one. Either way, when kids show up in tutus and super-hero capes I always smile. And this little girl with her hair pulled back in way to many barrettes will go down as one of my all time favorites. I love the care she put into her hair that day and I love that her mom just let her go with it. Looking back, even just 5 years from now, it’s that row of barrettes that will speak volumes about the stage in life she was in and her charming personality. To me, she’s perfect in every way.

Why? Why would anyone write a note like this to themselves? I can only guess that at the end of day yesterday, my final thought, my conclusion was: I am NOT beautiful. Maybe I have been feeling a bit too cocky lately…I needed to bring myself down a notch? I don’t know exactly why I felt compelled to write myself this note but whatever the reason, the answer to my hurt feelings question had been answered. My feelings were hurt because I battered myself with too much alcohol, processed sugar and a good healthy dose of self loathing. As I reflected on my sweet little note, I thought of the adage “hurt people hurt people” which I always looked at from the vantage point of how people interact with others, but today, even through a foggy mind I can clearly see that maybe in order to be kinder and gentler with others we should start by being a little bit kinder to ourselves.

Instead of my typical pattern of beating myself up over my mistakes I will attempt to learn from them, forgive myself and move on and maybe, if you are like me and tend to beat yourself up too and find your feelings are hurt for no apparent reason, here is some friendly advice for you…

1. Eat a healthy dinner before going out.

2. STOP at two

3. Throw that Halloween candy away! For pete’s sake it’s February!!!

4. Kindness starts with being kind to yourself.

Can you relate? I certainly can, and after I’ve made a spectacle of myself I wonder what’s the best way as an adult to recover? For me, it’s eating some humble pie. …and then throwing that plate it came on against the wall! I’m kidding!!! (kind of)

~Jennifer Lopez

Several years ago when I was just coming on scene in Boise Idaho as a photographer I discovered the art of another local photographer, Amanda Morgan, aka Ammophotog. Her work has a really cool vibe so I started following her on Facebook. I subsequently found myself included in a local photography group with her and together we displayed our work in the RAW Art Show where we finally met and became friends. Here we are acting silly on the “red carpet.” Since we don’t often find ourselves on the other side of the camera we took the opportunity to really work it! One…two…three…JUMP!

I remember the day a Facebook post from her feed prompted to me to message Amanda to find out more about the underlying message of sadness in her words. Perception is thought-provoking and from my perspective, Amanda came across as a totally cool, super confident, immensely talented, beautiful artist. She’s tall, gorgeous, hip, has striking red hair and just as reflected in her art, she exudes a really cool vibe. Her Facebook posts are funny and witty and once in a while she’ll bare just enough for someone like me to pick up on the fact that maybe there is more brooding behind the façade. So, I asked. Amanda then confided in me that since college she has struggled with depression. She exists between a state of total despair to just merely feeling anxiety and guilt. I was stunned as I would never have guessed but, more importantly, I was surprised she trusted me enough to confide in me. Admittedly, I don’t completely understand clinical depression but I do recognize that it’s something that can be all-consuming and very hard to come out from under and that many people who are depressed are reluctant to seek help.

For a better understanding of living with depression I encourage you to take 11 minutes out of your day to watch this TED talk by comedian Kevin Breel: Confessions of Depressed Comic. Much of what Kevin Breel describes in his video is echoed by Amanda when we finally sat down to talk.

Amanda first experienced depression at the age of 19, after leaving home for college. Knowing it’s normal to feel sad and lonely at first during this time of transition, she realized she was dealing with something more when she couldn’t seem to come out from that cloud of sadness. She felt sad all the time, lonely and lost, it became all consuming like being in a pit and she believed things would never change. In the darkest moments of depression, Amanda describes feeling immense hopelessness, like she’s at the bottom of the ocean, unable to breathe and in complete darkness. In less dark times, when she’s feeling better she has more of an apathetic look towards living. She described her feelings of apathy to me like this “it’s like if I cross the street and get hit by that bus it will be fine.” Her darkest moment was last spring when she was newly divorced, living in a new apartment with no furniture, and got the flu. All she had was a mattress and she decided to stop taking her medication. Her outlook became so bleak she had thoughts of suicide.

Powerful self portrait of Amanda in her wedding dress.

When asked about misperceptions about depression, Amanda confesses that the most exasperating is when people view depression as weakness. Many suggest that she just needs to be positive, change her attitude and count her blessings. She is also frustrated by the comparison of depression to physical diseases such as diabetes or cancer. She says it’s like comparing apples to oranges, “yes depression is an illness that requires medication, but it’s not the same.”

My personal belief is that we all have a cross to bear, something we all suffer for. I also believe that if we can’t come to terms with our suffering and find a way to tap into it to discover the reason for it or the silver lining behind it, then that suffering is in vain. This really is the main purpose of my blog “imprfect”. So when I asked Amanda what the silver lining was to her depression I was impressed when she was receptive to my question and gave me a thoughtful an insightful answer. The bright side of her darkness for her, is that through her depression she is able to truly connect with others who are in the dark but don’t want to acknowledge it. She can relate to them on a deep and personal level and help guide them towards finding light.

For those who, when everything is going right but still find they are consumed in sadness, Amanda advises the most important thing is to find someone to talk to, find a good counselor and don’t isolate yourself. “Depression” she says, “is not a character flaw, it’s okay to go on medication.” Finding the right dose and type of medication is key in treating depression, and it takes a long time to find the right fit. Amanda also advises not to pretend that everything is okay when it isn’t. She describes feeling like it’s a double edge sword, needing to lean on friends but also feeling like a burden. Additionally, Amanda enjoys the blog post Depression – Part Two from Hyperbole and a Half. She says it’s a hilarious parody of depression but at the same time pin-points it.

Amanda thinks Facebook can be detrimental, because what many don’t acknowledge or see are the ten selfies a person took to get the one that looks good enough to post. She has joined in with Operation Beautiful, an uplifting movement to end negative self-talk. As part of the project, Amanda leaves sticky notes on public mirrors with the message “you are beautiful.” She loves the act of giving an anonymous message any woman would want to receive and being sneaky about it. She particularly enjoys hearing a woman’s reaction to her note from behind the door of a bathroom stall. She says, no one can help but to smile when receiving that message.

Amanda, aka Ammophotog is an extremely talented photographer on many levels, from fine art photography to family and senior portraits. I tend to gravitate towards artists who bare a part of their soul in their work, which is why I was initially drawn to her. But where I think her art transforms and really speaks is through her artistic self portraits…not to be confused with selfies. They are honest, beautiful and fantastically raw.

“Dragging Along the Past”

From Ammo’s levitation series.

To see more of Amanda’s work, visit her website: http://www.ammophotog.com

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/theammophotog/?pnref=lhc

Finally, Amanda wants people to know that there is hope. She’s in a different place than she was just even a year ago. She has joy in her life and is thankful for her amazing family. She has wonderful and supportive friends and a boyfriend who is tremendously caring. She says that depression has its ups and down and she’s thankful to report she’s definitely up these days. She wants to express how thankful she is for the people in her life and the things happening in her life.

I was on a hike in the Colorado mountains one summer as a little girl. We had to cross a shallow but rapidly moving and wide stream. I wasn’t the first to cross nor the last, those who went ahead made it across just fine. Our leader told me not to worry and to just take it slow. His words got in my head. I wasn’t worried until he told me not to be, then all I could think was “what if…” What if I lose my footing? What if I get swept away by the current? What if I drown? What if I die??? Suddenly making it across the stream became monumental! I couldn’t get the “what if I fall” out of my head. I proceeded with caution and half-way through, with nothing but doubt swirling around in my mind and cold water swirling around my feet, I was overcome by fear. Instead of looking ahead to safety, I became consumed with the water rushing past me, it made me dizzy and unable to focus. And then the worst happened, I lost my footing and fell into the water. It was so cold!!! The current, however, was not nearly as strong as I perceived it to be. But that hadn’t registered in my overwrought mind yet, as all I could immediately comprehend was that my fear had become my reality. I was now laying down in the stream totally freaking out! Slowly, I came to realized the water I was in was only about 10 inches deep and I wasn’t going anywhere! I was totally fine! I didn’t even come close to drowning or dying…or even being swept away. I was basically just laying there in the stream, wet and cold for nothing and making quite a spectacle of myself in the process. The leader of my group came to me, helped me up and walked me the rest of the way across. It was embarrassing. I felt like a total idiot because everyone else made it across no problem. I was the only one who threw myself into the water and panicked. If only I had trusted myself…

At this point in life I find myself figuratively in the middle of a rapidly moving stream. I can see my destination, the sure footed ground ahead. In fact, it’s a beautiful sight, lush and green. I can smell the pine trees and feel the warmth of the sun. But when I just look down to the place where I presently stand, at my very cold feet, all I can see are torrents of water rushing by me. It makes me dizzy and I feel fear creeping in. But now, instead of whispering “what if” to myself I am going to choose “trust yourself” and then lift my head and turn my gaze forward. Instead of throwing myself into the abyss of uncertainty I will proceed one unsure step at a time, until I am on solid ground. I will do this not only for me, but for those behind me watching who will need to make trek across next.

Take a moment to watch this short youtube video:Everything you ever wanted is on the other side of fear

My task for you, is that wherever you are going, whatever your goals are, big or small, trust yourself. Trust yourself first as a parent, in your new job, in your relationships with a significant other or with your friends and family. Trust yourself to make the decisions that are right for you, right here and now. Trust yourself first and those around you will witness your confidence and will know that not only can they trust you, they can learn to trust themselves too. Fear is natural and in many ways it’s good! Fear can definitely protect us from getting hurt but irrational fear can become a self-fulfilling prophecy that will ultimately keep us from experiencing life’s many adventures…if we don’t trust ourselves to handle it. So know that you don’t have to give into it, you don’t have to throw yourself down into the abyss. Giving into irrational fear will often humble you as you realize that whatever it is that is holding you back is really quite shallow in the whole scheme of things. Trust yourself.

Keep moving forward. Forge your path. Live fearlessly. Trust yourself.

“What does fear taste like? Success. I have accomplished nothing without a little taste of fear in my mouth.” ~Beyonce

Hmmm…that’s a stupid question. Of course you have! We all have had one of THOSE days…you know the kind where everything goes wrong and you finally come to a point where you throw your head back and cry! The important question is, how do you turn it around?

Here are some things I have found work for me:

1. Friends…always seek out a friend. Girlfriends are especially good at crying with you or if you need it, and they’re true friends, they’ll give you a gentle slap and tell you to get over yourself.

2. Swing. Go to a park and get on a freakin’ swing! I know it might sound silly, so if you happen to have some minions with you, bring them along, make it a race and kick ass! But even if you don’t, who cares! Get on that swing, lean your head back, let your hair hang, stretch out your legs and SOAR!!!! This is great for releasing every problem, at least temporarily.

3. Obviously a manicure and pedicure are named the way they are for a reason…they cure pretty much everything.

4. A magazine and a hot bath. I personally like celebrity gossip magazines, they often make me realize MY problems are not all that bad. And the Kardashians are always good for an “O.M.G!!!”

5. Quiet bookstore perusing…might work for some.

6. An arcade! Find one with the vintage games, you know the kind you grew up playing; Centipede, PacMan, Astroids and a good ole pinball machine will turn that frown upside down!

7. Try a new exercise class…yoga, dance, aerial yoga, barre, orange theory, TRX, spin! I am getting excited just typing this! There are so many new forms of “exercise” and many studios will offer the first class free! Go crazy!!!

8. Crank up Black Keys on Pandora and dance!!! Black Keys on Pandora is my personal favorite but Rolling Stones are good too, or the Bee GEES!!! ….am I aging myself here?

9. The driving range. Even if you don’t golf, the golf course will let you borrow a driver and for a few bucks you can get a huge bucket of balls. Swing and miss and laugh at yourself. Then keep swinging and eventually you will connect with a great smack and you’ll watch that ball FLY!!! You will then know and feel deep inside that YOU are a total bad-ass and problems have nothing on ya!!!

10. Go out for lunch or dinner or if your bad day starts early, breakfast. Let someone else cook for you and wait on you, pour you a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. Maybe bring a book and read! When is the last time you just sat by yourself, at a table with a glass of wine and read? Do it!!! Get a sitter and just do it!!!

11. Speaking of wine, I personally believe that by adding in a glass or two to any of the above it will increase the speed of which things turn around. Just be careful on the swing…that could bring on a whole new set of problems.

Now tell ME, since I know you have experience with this as well, leave a comment with your best “turn that bad day around” method!

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